Managing perceptions (Ricky Weekly #71)
This is where I share 3 things every week with my friends and anyone else interested.
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A picture from my life:
Flow Club host Irene Yu organized a happy hour for Flow Club in NYC and it was a tremendous success. All of these people are Flow Clubbers and this is the first time they’re meeting each other in real life! I can see myself in the future flying to different cities regularly to meet with our community IRL. I can’t wait.
A thing on my mind:
From Will Smith’s new book:
Most of my memories of my childhood involve me being afraid in some way. Afraid of other kids. Afraid of being hurt or embarrassed. Afraid of being seen as weak. How we decide to confront our fears, that is the person we become. I decided to be funny. It’s the compulsive desire to constantly please others to keep them laughing and smiling at all times to redirect all the attention in the room away from the ugly and uncomfortable towards the joyful and beautiful.
I watched Will Smith read this passage to his family in his new YouTube series and it felt very familiar. It’s exactly how I became the way I am. Sometimes I can still feel the fearful little child inside me.
I’m pretty cognizant about how people perceive me because how I present myself is often how people perceive my startup, and I don’t want to do my startup and my teammates a disservice as CEO. Most of the time, I’m a self-effacing people-pleaser who tries to be the funny guy whenever possible. I’m also naturally more vulnerable than average, which makes me relatable. These qualities translate to great relationships with people I work with. My vulnerability shows off how much I care about what I do, which motivates everyone else to care more. I’d say how I am is decently optimized for long-term working relationships that require high levels of trust. However, there are times when these qualities are suboptimal.
Specifically, in high-risk and transactional situations like fundraising, investors aren’t looking to get to know you and build conviction about your abilities to lead a business. They are looking to make a snap, emotional decision on whether to pay attention, invest money, and then maybe invest time to get to know you (usually not until you are more obviously successful). In those situations, investors are scanning for signals of value in very little time, and in Silicon Valley, that often means pattern matching on the “Steve Jobs” brilliant jerk type, usually with a commanding presence, or the “Mark Zuckerberg” high-functioning autistic, raw intellectual horsepower types. This is what makes Silicon Valley great (most places won’t tolerate the Jobs and Zuckerbergs of the world), but also why Silicon Valley has a hard time embracing more diverse founders. I’m hopeful though because venture as an asset class is getting more popular and democratized.
Over the years, when I’m in one of those high-risk, transactional situations, I’ve changed how I carry myself. Specifically, I talk a little less, I stop my brain from thinking about funny things, and I allow silence to fester until it's more than uncomfortable. I dial down my desire to give you an inside look at the interesting problems that we get to solve, and dial up my genuine excitement about what we’re building and the amazing people I get to work with.
I’m still working on getting better at it. One thing I’ve learned is to not feel like I’m contorting too much. I can’t play the Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg archetypes, but I can sharpen certain aspect of who I am and modulate the others. Recently I’ve learned that it helps when I spend time with people who really believe in what I’m doing, especially those who aren’t afraid to tell the world about it. Vocal believers help me dial up my own enthusiasm and step into my most formidable self. Some of you are reading this newsletter. Thank you 🤗 .
A piece of content I recommend:
An Evening with Silk Sonic - Silk Sonic
I’ve been playing this album on repeat instead of listening to podcasts because it makes me soooo happy. If you haven’t seen the amazing music videos and live performances at the BET Soul Train Awards, you need to do it right away on YouTube.
Bonus: Jay Z 2021 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction by Dave Chappelle
HOVA, HOVA, HOVA, HOVA…
🤗
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As always, you can find out what I’m thinking in more real-time on Twitter and my essays are on my website. My primary focus (and where I focus) is on Flow Club. We are hiring and offering a $10k referral bonus + VIP tickets to SFJAZZ or Sacramento Kings game.