This is where I share 3 things every week with my friends and anyone else interested.
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A picture from my life:
This is from a bachelor’s party trip to Vegas for my friend Shazad in mid December. We thought about canceling because of Omicron, but decided to go through with it very cautiously. Lots of precautions were taken and we all tested negative after the trip, but unfortunately the wedding itself had to be postponed.
A thing on my mind:
I’ve worked on overcoming my default negativity spiral for years. I’ve tried mantras, meditation, gratitude journals, exercise, David Goggins’ Cookie Jar, celebrating wins, and building up good habits in general. But what keeps getting in the way is my inability to receive love. Any inbound positivity is either brushed aside or significantly neutralized so I can’t feel it. For example, I deflect compliments and make self-deprecating jokes all the time in order to not feel the love.
I know partially why I’m this way. I wanted to be loved by my parents growing up but I never got it. When I was 14, I decided to become a hard-ass and stop seeking it. Instead, I channeled all my energies towards work. Obviously, that’s a bad substitute, and it never allows me to feel like I’m enough because work is not going to love me back. At the same time, I’ve closed myself up to people. There have been so many amazing people who have tried to and continue to love me, but I don’t let them because I’m afraid.
My coach suggested that I learn to encourage and love the younger version of Ricky. She asked me what I’d say to the 13 year-old Ricky, and my first attempt was something like, “it may feel like your parents don’t love you, but they do, and you have to trust that. They may never have the capacity to help you feel it because they can’t get out of their own situations. But if they could, they would, and you should let yourself feel that.” I’m not sold, but I’m working on it!
A piece of content I recommend:
I Miss it All by Devin Kelley on Longreads
The subtitle of this article is “Against the commodification of community,” and it reads like a critique of services like Peloton and WeWork for taking the soul out of community and reducing it into something commercial. Since Flow Club is often poorly described as “Peloton for work” and “Virtual WeWork,” I loved this article for articulating the human element that I feel like is missing whenever people describe Flow Club. That being said, commodifying community is totally part of what we’re doing at Flow Club in order to make it more accessible, but we are also constantly wrestling to keep the experience human even if it presents more friction.
Bonus: Flow Club 2021 Year In Review
2021 was a big year for Flow Club and I feel so lucky to be part of it. I wrote a blog post to help our community celebrate, and I’d love to share that with you!
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As always, you can find out what I’m thinking in more real-time on Twitter and my essays are on my website. My primary focus (and where I focus) is on Flow Club. We are hiring and offering a $10k referral bonus + VIP tickets to SFJAZZ or Sacramento Kings game.
Hi Ricky, Thank you for really opening yourself in your sharing. Most of the brilliant professionals in our circles have that little parts of us that we haven't embraced. Don't be too harsh on yourself :-). Right now I am working on the challenge of 'feeling safe' - as a child, very often, I felt I have to perform to be validated. Underneath that is the fundamental feeling that I don't feel safe to be accepted just for who I am. Without feeling safe, it's hard to receive love. Sounds rough...but the more I delve into this, I start to give myself that sense of safety, as a result, I feel more grounded and relaxed into my new being.
Congrats on the big growth of Flow Club in 2021!! 20222 will be a fun ride.